Over the years Alleycat’s got younger and thinner. He used to be so fat that his head was invisible amongst his folds of fat and back then he spent his days sleeping and dreaming like a little Buddha while Bamber did his dirty work for him and trained the neighbourhood cats to stay in line and keep off the lawns of Wayside Cottage. In those days he would occasionally climb on the tallest available fence post and stare up and down the Six Foot to make certain that Bamber was doing his bidding, but then fate intervened and he was poisoned by a neighbour, and the poison worked into him and ate through his fat and melted away his gargantuan bulk, and as well as eating into his body it burned time away too and turned him into a young energetic cat. This process was protracted. He spent whole days on my lap, losing weight and shedding the years. He seldom moved a muscle or stirred a whisker, because his entire feline power was concentrated on the impossible act of turning back time. He concentrated everything on getting lean and young again and now he’s as wiry and strong as he’s ever been, and he lords it over the Six Foot and sits on the tallest fence post and looks both ways and all around to make certain that his wishes are being observed.